Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
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Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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