Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
