OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
