I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
