so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Just cropdusted the office
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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