I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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