Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
