Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
