I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
and she was petting her beer can
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
