She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
