i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
