Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
