How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
