Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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