At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
