How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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