When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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