i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
