I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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