3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
my mouth tastes like poor choices
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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