and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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