Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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