Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
