when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
