well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
