shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.