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we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Randomize
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