1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.