my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
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woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
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I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.