just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.