Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.