3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
