just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
