her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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