Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
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He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
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at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back