Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers