when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
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Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
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okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??