I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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