I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
