Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
