ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
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He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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