I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize