If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
