My cat gives me a boner
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
