i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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