I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
