Cold hands, warm shart.
I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
