I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
