I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
