if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
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