you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
