wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
