I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
