I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
