I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
They are going to name an STD after you.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
