I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
