Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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