last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Randomize
