Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Hello my rib-scented angel!
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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