my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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