P.S. I can't hear my feet
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
