His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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