when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
