I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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