I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
