My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
