i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize