she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
