You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
