She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
