i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
