You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
