piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I hate all girls vehemently.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
