I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
